Natural Roots. Straight Ends: In Search for My Curlfriends

As Labor Day sneaks upon us and our precious kiddies merrily return back to school, I will be officially entering my sixth month post-relaxer anniversary. That’s right. My hair hasn’t been chemically altered for the last 6 months. How am I feeling? Scared? Excited? More like, OBSESSED. I told you folks, I am so serious in continuing my long-term transition to le natural hair.

March 2013 was the last time I had a perm. Since then, family and friends are relentlessly asking me why I decided to go natural. Because I’m worn-out with relaxed hair. For years, I would lust after sparkly straight, long hair. To me, relaxed hair was beautiful, sexy hair. The moment I felt a kink or saw a millimeter of new growth, I felt insecure, uncomfortable, and would immediately make a hair appointment with disgust, especially during my high school years. I had a perm since I was 10 years old. Sixteen years later, I can’t say if I recall my natural curl. I don’t even think my mother remembers.

They say that by the fourth or fifth month, some women tend to itch for the creamy crack while others give in to the BC a.k.a.  The Big Chop. Since college, I cut my hair off 3 times, so I am really trying my hardest to avoid the BC. Plus, I desire the fun with the different styles like the Bantu knots and Braid-outs. I have done a lot of research and so many women have thrived with their luscious curls in their transition.

One thing for sure, I am not transitioning alone. My husband is a huge supporter of me going natural. Many of my girlfriends are natural and I am in love with their glossy, juicy curls. Their hair is so soft and fluffy. So much volume. So much character. So much flare. So much flavor!!!

Currently, I am wearing a protective style- the lovely sew-in. (My favorite is the faux bun!) I figured that I could allow my hair to relax with a weave. Plus, my new growth and straggly ends were starting a fist fight,so I decided it's definitely time to get a sew-in. Within the next few months, I plan to get twists and continue to let my tresses grow. By next summer, I plan to chop the rest of the perm off. But for now, I am going to continue to rock protective styles, get my ends clipped and continue with deep conditioning treatments. I understand that by religiously trimming the processed ends away, I am allowing my hair to grow healthier and avoiding redundant damage.

Throughout my invigorating journey in finding my Curlfriends, I am studying different oils, moisturizers, conditioners and shampoos and adopting a plethora of methods in adding more hydration and life to my surviving locks. I am disciplining myself harder in going easy on the heat and remember to take my time detangling my hair. More importantly, I am learning: I AM NOT MY HAIR.

My main goal is to have beautiful, healthy hair. Ever since I stopped getting perms, my hair has been growing like wild fire. And I absolutely love it. I am so mesmerized by my new hair growth and its texture. As far as my hair type, I have no idea. I just know that this raggedy permed hair ain’t me. A few weeks ago, before I got the sew-in installed, my stylist pressed out my hair and it was stronger, longer and way thicker. Talk about motivation!

So until then, I plan to enjoy my hair while transitioning! I’ll keep ya updated, darlings.

Marriage: An itsy bitty fancy word for Teamwork!

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly
understood that they are on the same side.” ~ Zig Ziglar

As a newlywed, I am learning a great deal about the paradise of marriage with my husband, Reggie. One critical ingredient of this institution is teamwork. Without team spirit, marriage is bland and blemished. Healthy team spirit is fundamental in seasoning a God-designed marriage.  In the Holy Bible, Romans 12:10 states “Outdo one another in showing honor.” With team spirit, spouses should find numerous ways to bless each other and uplift one another with love and support.

Within the last few weeks as a newly married couple, our team spirit grew firmly. Four days after returning from our Honeymoon, I was choked up by the devastating news: Company lay-off. Now, let me refresh your memory, I can be the Queen of Worry. This crushing rejection fondled some of my nerves- It still does. However, instead of jumping off the deep-end into depression and desperation, Reggie and I fell to our knees and prayed to God that evening. Ever since that shocking day, I knew that I must maintain a steadfast mindset through this storm of losing my job. And my husband is with me every minute. We do everything as a team. We clean our beautiful house together.  We cook appetizing meals together. We do boring laundry together. We devise budget plans together. We are continuously helping each other with our goals. Most importantly, we uplift each other every single day. We even work as a team in listening to each other better. But I would say the best part of our team, we pray together.

AND THE DEVIL HASN’T BEEN SO NICE ABOUT IT. IN FACT, HE HATES THIS. From the beginning of our engagement, my husband and I had an inkling that the devil did not want us to marry and we experienced what I felt like was the devil’s ploy to smash our relationship to smithereens. BUT our story began with God and God is not finished with us! Therefore, our Heavenly Father led us down to the altar.

An author once stated, “When a couple is standing at the altar getting married, the devil has an assignment on that couple.”

Remaining prayerful and watchful, my husband and I come to Christ daily, pouring our hearts to Him daily, keeping our souls in the presence of the Lord. God expects us to come to Him every day because of His Faithfulness. He is so faithful to us; we ought to do the same. And Reggie and I do! We are a winning team and I definitely find ourselves talking more often and candidly about everything! I just absolutely love it!

Becoming shrewdly aware of what is essential in the convent of marriage, I know that teamwork keeps its alive. In order to successfully blend two lives together, a marriage must have that special element of commitment towards the team.  Without teamwork, a marriage can become stale and the communication between a husband and wife becomes polluted with defilement, making them weaklings in tackling arising problems and blinding them to resolutions. Ultimately, teamwork is constructed upon that sweet ol’ Agape love- That type of “I am never going to forsake my God and I will never leave you or forsake you in this marriage’ type of love. Teamwork leads to decisions that create stability of commitment in a marriage, especially in a fresh marriage such as ours.

Teamwork strengthens couples yet it leaves room for each spouse to preserve his or her individuality, guiding them to their dreams. By making joint decisions confidently, marriage can be fun, less stressful and enlightening! Teamwork should ensure that each spouse shares the same vision or morals and heads in the same direction. I am learning that in
good times and bad, we must remember that our spouses are always our partner and never our enemy. In union, there is strength. In union, there is an unbreakable bond. In union, the Devil will fail. In union, the loyalty will prevail.

Most importantly, husbands and wives make the best teams in the world! Reggie and I are a team for life!

Thee Most Raaaaaandom Blog Post I Have Ever Written......I Think.

11 Random Things about Me.

1. I wanted to be married at age 27. God had a different plan and I am thankful. But I was close! Lol!

2. I am currently working on my second book, ‘Malachi.’ Stay tuned.

3. I absolutely hate shaving my legs. Like seriously.

4. I merely paid $366 for my wedding dress. And it was perfect. Just for me.

5. I have the wildest crush on Mariah Carey. No one will ever understand.

6. I am in love with Ice Mountain water. So tasty and refreshing.

7. I love pink nail polish. It’s demure, ladylike, and timeless. Other colors are fabulous. True. But classic pink polish is soft, elegant and trendy!

8. I am forever trying to find ways to sway my husband to get us a kitten. I mean, it would be a subtle cure to 'baby fever'.

9. I care too much for other people’s feelings. Trust, I am working on that.

10. I want to have twin girls. I know, I know, that’s social suicide.

11. I am madly in love with a man named Reginald. Oh wait, not so random, huh?

A New Wife

‘How does it feel to be married?’

Lately, this is the question that I get from coworkers, family and friends. ‘How does it feel to be a wife?’ ‘Do you feel any different?’ I will tell you this: it is an indescribable feeling- Too beautiful for words. And my perception on love has undeniably changed.

It is SO electrifying that Reginald is my husband. To come together to become one flesh blows my mind! Our marriage doesn’t just surround the idea that I stole his last name-hehehe! Our marriage is a living organism that is constantly evolving, morphing into something sensational! Overjoyed, we are on the journey in perfecting our marriage. With a nutritious blend of Agape love, Philia love, and Eros love, our marriage is a nourishing product of God's love.

My first few weeks as a married woman- Fascinating! My husband and I did not live together prior to tying the knot so it was very interesting to move in with each other. Still an adjustment. :D Newsflash: Marriage goes beyond the wedding day, shiny rings and living with each other. Anyone can shack up. Anyone can have a wedding. And anyone can purchase rings. Marriage is deeper than that. It’s where you must faithfully put your mind, body and soul into it. And I am learning that a wife utilizes her skills to help institute the embellishment of the home and the enhancement of her husband. More importantly, a wife reverences her husband. In other words, the wife SUBMITS herself to her husband, and I am still learning the necessity of submission in a marriage. God aint through with me yet folks.

Every morning, I gaze at my fine husband while he sleeps coolly like a baby as I dress for work. This is the man who I will help raise RJ with. This is the man who I will bear children with. This is the man who I will be with for the rest of my life. This is the man who promises to love me forever. Then he wakes up, smiling back at me. That smile motivates me to orientate myself to be a godly woman as his wife.

My man is not just my best friend. He is not just a cancer survivor. He is not just my soul mate. Reginald is my husband and I promise to build a strong marriage with him to last a lifetime.

The Chase

The enemy strikes again. But the blood of Jesus covers me.

Sitting on the patio in the backyard today, I find myself constantly staring into the sky. The clouds are gray, thick, looking as if they are glutted with rain. However, these gloomy blisters dare not burst. Sun worshippers are surely full with glee because the sun is shining dazzlingly out here, kissing my skin.

Man. Life loves to test me. Geeeeeeeeeez…….

I say this because…..last week was probably one of the unfavorable weeks of my life. A nightmare came true. I was smacked in the face and shoved in the pits of the Devil’s lair. Yet, for some reason, on this day, I can’t stop smiling.

Last week, I felt so discouraged, embarassed and beat-down. I was thrown off track. I kept asking, “Why did this happen to me?” I was in such a funk. But then the truth whispered into my ears. LIFE IS NOT FAIR. But deep down in my heart, I know that my God is fair.

And my mother drilled in my brain when I was a little girl that God promises His children that all things work together for good for those who loves Him. And if you haven’t noticed, (I don’t know how you wouldn’t) I love God so much. Yes, I make ungodly mistakes I am not proud of. There were times I set the cross down and spat out words that weren't holy. I have my share of ups and downs. I STRUGGLE. Who doesn’t? And yes, I still throw tantrums when life burns me with burdens. But in the end, God has always rescued me and He isn’t done with me.

After this past week, I could have lost my mind. You folks know I am the Stress Queen. (During the wedding planning crunch, a not-so-darling side of me emerged. Hahaha.) But you should know that God is my anchor. And I know this is a test of my Faith. Throughout my spiritual journey, I know that Jesus probably yelled at me numerous times. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU BELIEVE IN ME FOR? STOP WORRYING TAMARA." Therefore, I plan to hold on to my cross tightly and maintain my patience because I know that God has a plan for me. In fact, a few nights ago, I asked God for a sign of my purpose in life.  Well…..He answered. So, now, I am on a fresh journey and I know that it is worth my while baby. I can't go wrong.

Despite this cloudy day, the sun continues to shine lustrously and my spirit will do the same. Before anything else, I plan to pray through the pain as I chase Jesus.

Life is like the game Tag. Jesus chases us, pouring his love upon us. Well, right now, it is my turn to lace up and chase Him for I know He has a scrumptious blessing for me!

Oh the anticipation!

Trapped.

“Baby, you deserve to not live in fear.”

My fiance told me this last night.

I don't deserve to, huh? I don't. But I secretly live with Fear.

Since college, Fear has paralyzed my soul, trapping my mind in a pool of uneasiness.

Overpowered with trepidation, I typically find myself trying to please others, not living my life to the fullest. After praying last night, God instructed me to read the Book of 2 Corinthians for the month of May. While confessing my fears to Him, He comforted my soul with His words. The first few verses reminded me that God will deliver me from the many perils of Life. God did it before. And He will do it again.

God always graciously answers our prayers and if we pay attention, we will realize that God is embedded in all angles of our daily lives. This is why we must die daily and stopped relying on ourselves. I learned today that the only difference between today and tomorrow is our Faith.

But the more my Faith grows, the closer Fear haunts me, squeezing and tightening its grip around my life. It just won't let go. Why? God only knows why. Whatever the reason is, I find myself running to God more often than ever, shivering like a lost child. Of course, I am still searching for my strength in God so that I will rise victoriously.

"Pray hard. Live easy", they say.

I just wish it was that simple.

The C-Word

Cancer.

It's been a few months since I've regained the strength to type that word. Or wanted to blog about it.

Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking about the c-word and how it has affected my fiancé’s life as well as mine. Boy, I tell ya, it is not an amusing folk tale.

In and out of those riotous times, Reginald and I grew closer in spirit.

And I’ve learned so much more about my righteous buddy, Jesus.

I know that I can never EVER thank God enough for what He has done for my fiancé and me.

However, I don’t just want our story to end just there. I want to reach out to cancer patients, survivors as well as supporters who hold their hands. It’s an arduous task to be supportive of someone in the boxing match, fighting for their life against this grueling illness. I just want to dedicate my life to helping those whose lives were and still are affected by cancer.

I know I can't stop cancer or the tears of disbelief and pain. But I know I can help encourage a child, a mother, a teacher, a soul that cancer will never stop you from living your best life.

I wish cancer did not exist. I talk to God about cancer all the time. Every so often, I would blame cancer for some of the problems that Reggie and I wrestled within our relationship. But I know that this battle is not ours.

I want to remind warriors that cancer is neither a punishment nor a death sentence.

I also want to lend a hand to those sitting by the bedside of their beloved warriors as they go through chemotherapy which is such a bizarre weapon. It fights cancer so good that it can suck the life out of the person. I will never forget the day Reggie didn't even speak or look at me during his chemotherapy. I thought I lost him even when he was sitting right next to me, holding my hand. In my mind, he was million miles away locked inside a dungeon.

I remember those emotions. I want to thrash out those emotions with others who are tormented by those sore and achy feelings. I want to remind them that THERE IS LIFE AFTER CANCER.

Fancy degrees can’t save your life and sometimes dollar bills can’t do so either. Only God.

I want to remind warriors that life is about living the best life that God has given despite the circumstances.

The cancer may eat away the flesh, but never the beautiful spirit of Life.

So many of us have a misconception of what makes Life so beautiful. Blinded by materials. Even myself.

Luckily, my soul mate is here on earth as my daily reminder of what Life is.

What should I do? Any ideas?

I want to be an inspiration to others; my fiancé is mine.

I write this for my hero: Reginald. I love you Honey.