Beauty of the Week

Just like AIDS, low self-esteem is killing our beautiful black women.

It is hard being a woman. Yet, it is harder being a black woman. It is so much pressure to this thing of being a strong black woman.

There are so many expectations of a black woman. It seems like we can't do anything right.

Fake Straight hair.
Ugly Natural hair.
Too skinny.
Too fat.
Skin too light.
Skin too dark.
Ass too flat.

Hmmmm....Am I missing anything?? These are the very thoughts that rape us of our true beauty.

It's like, I want to scream to the world, WHAT DO YOU WANT!?!?!

Today, I decided to work out. As the music's scent traveled through the stereo into my living room, I became aroused. It felt like I was making love to myself.

An amazing feeling, I must say.

As I stretched my muscles, it felt as though I was releasing the negativity that was knotted inside me.

That's when I realized my true beauty. I realized that I have a beautiful petite body, with tiny curves, rock hard abs, toned arms and a strong, gorgeous face.

Perhaps if more women worked out too, they would see their own beauty. And actually like it. Just a tiny bit, maybe.

I'm not saying work out to lose weight, but to lose that damn anxiety of not appreciating your body. If you don't, how could you expect someone else to do so?

Love yourself.

Aye my black queens....

....Let's stop dying.

my first kiss

I can just taste it.

It was just right.

On January 17th, 2010 I received a call that would changed my life. Forever.

"They found a tumor inside his brain and he is having surgery tomorrow morning. They are not sure...

...if its cancer or not."

Was the devil's contumely following me? Or maybe it wasn't.

What would you do if someone told you that your friend would possibly die the next day?

Well, that actually happened to me last summer. And he did die.
But this time, it was different.

I couldn't hesitate. I was tired as hell. Just got off work, but my feet didn't seem to mind to simmer through the pain.

I grab my car keys, bump my way into the cold and inside my car. And then I paused.
"What the hell am I doing?"

My shaky engine mysteriously starts up and I find myself driving 87 mph down I-96 to Henry Ford hospital downtown. It was only 8:07p.m.


Like a lost child, I walk wide-eyed through the hospital's twisted halls and let the angels guide me to the ICU. Oh shit. This is where my auntie died a few months ago.

Great.

I swallow hard. Heart squeezing pounds of blood at one time. It hurts. I feel woozy.

I pull the curtains open and there he lay. Peaceful. Brave. Hiding his fears.

It was Reggie. My then friend. My then new friend. My then new friend who I adored so much. But I never told him.

We nervously talk a bit. Tears fighting to come out.

Minutes turn into hours. Soon, it was time for me to leave. But I didn't want to. Yet, I needed to leave.

Before walking out, I kiss his forehead and cheek ever so softly. I feel his heartbeat. It's calm.

I look down and got lost inside his butter brown eyes. Although its only seconds, I feel frozen. The love chains finally locked me in.

Seconds later, our lips touch. Just one kiss. Just one gentle kiss. Just one slow kiss. Just one amazing kiss.

Wasn't sure if that would be my last kiss. Surgery is in 8 hours. It was a 50% chance he would not come out the same. Or...

But it was surely my first true kiss with a young man who unashamedly declares his love to me and promises to do it. Forever.

I never felt like this...

Oh Je t' aime...

Until next time...


Quote of the Day: "Your heart has wisdom that your mind cannot comprehend."

life.

Ok, so today was a good day. :)

Yet, I feel as if tomorrow will be a better one. :D

Let me just say that I LOVE people. I think people are precious, tiny pearls of God's strand of perfection. Yuh, even the rotten ones.

(For those who think I don't love them or dissed them, that's a lie. I just prefer not to deal with your shit.)

Throughout my day at work today, I came into contact with different types of people. Happy. Sad. Fat. Skinny. Young. Old. Pretty. Ugly. Crazy. Weird. Yet, what I noticed from each and every one of those individuals is that they are just trying to do the best they can with what they have.

And that's all we can do.

With one life to live, that's all you gotta do. It's kinda simple, don't you think? #kanyeshrug

I mean, we are all in this together. Not forever though. No one makes it out alive in the end.

Thinking about that one life I do have, I realize that I am blessed to have it. I think about my late friend/high school sweetheart Kyle Hatcher everyday and I smile for hours.

He lived his life to fullest. He truly did. He died last summer, and honestly, it STILL STINGS like a fresh cut.

Jesus.

But with prayer and determination, I fight away that folderol and strive to live my life, like Kyle did with his life. And not complain. And be grateful.

By the way...Why do we complain so much? Jesus Christ! We do it so much!

Hmmm....I wonder if humans are capable of going through ONE DAY WITHOUT COMPLAINING? Can I do it? Can YOU do it?

New challenge. Or...

Maybe I should work on how to stop cussing first. Oh well. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Until next time... Learn. Laugh. LIVE.

Quote of the day: "Life is the flower of which Love is The Honey." ~ Victor Hugo

Refreshed...perhaps...

What am I doing?

Who am I?

Why do I give a damn?

These are the random questions that normally run through my frazzled mind.

So this is why I decided to start blogging again. To release them.

In the eyes of those who know me, I am thee pint-sized diva who is fun, loyal, smart, sensitive as hell, a bitch, dingy, in love, conceited, and dedicated, classy, and forever redeveloping myself.

For those who don't know me, I appear to be short with very dark skin, a killer smile and a big, fragile heart.

In my eyes, I am just me. Just Totally Tammy.

From last summer to this hot day of 2010, I gained new life.

New friends.
New enemies.
New bra size.
New boyfriend.
New hair.
New goals.
New shoes.

And a new soul.

You have a lot of catching up to do. Catch me if you can. lol :)

Until next time...

You Are What You Eat!

Everyone knows that what you eat reflects who you are as a person. So if you always chugging down hot dogs, then most likely you are a meathead.

But, seriously, if you eat nice, healthy fruits, then obviously you are conscious of your health.

Yet, this popular phrase “you are what you eat” goes beyond real food. It’s about choices. You can prosper from them or suffer. For instance, our community is suffering from diabetes. But it is also succumbing to AIDS. All faults of our choices.

We all wake up with free will to make the right choices. You have the right to live by eating right and you have the right to live by making the right choices.

You have the choice to be mean, sad, happy, dumb in love, bitter or just straight rebellious. Whatever your choice may be, the outcome in your daily life will reflect that. Just like food.

Life is like a garden, full of different plants and weeds. Some gardens are crowded with weeds taller than Mount Everest while others are overflowing with the glorious birth of daisies and sunflowers and roses and tulips singing harmoniously to the sun.

If you want a positive life, you must eat healthy foods as well as make healthy choices, which will then provide the minerals and vital sources of greatness into your life. Without it, you may starve and adapt to a fatigue and torturing lifestyle. This is one reason why some people fall down into the wrath of depression and can’t get up.

When stuck, you should always remember the following: There are no such things as mistakes. Just lessons. Not trying to get all religious on you, but God’s mercy is bigger than any mistake one can make.

Thus, it’s ok to not always make the right choice. And it’s ok to eat an extra slice of that strawberry cheesecake.

Most people think before they eat a meal. Fewer think before they live their life. Which is the best. Life shouldn’t be taken so seriously. No one makes it out to the end. But do understand that what you put in, whether it is food, new people, new job, new money, it will affect who you are as a person at the end of the meal hour, end of the job period, end of the relationship and the ending period on your bank statement.

I encourage young, beautiful Detroit ladies and gentlemen to continue on eating the precious fruits of life for they will forever prosper. It may not seem that way nowadays, but this is what makes patience so beautifully appetizing to the soul. Trust me!

Your inner person will burst with joy, knowing that you are proud of who you are, simply by what you put in your life.

We All Need To Grow Up & Graduate!

Today’s youth are dying.
And if you are a parent, your hands are defiled with cold blood.
But it’s not just parents who are part of the blame. We are ALL guilty of the spread of this sickness.
For instance, young ladies are more concerned on prancing around like Barbies. I know she has everything, but she is missing one thing; a soul.
Young black girls who are brainwashed by the artificial lifestyle of the highly appraised doll kill me. Thank you, Ms. Nicki Minaj.
It seems like they are becoming more Hot and Ready’s rather than Princess Barbie in my eyes.
What happened to individuality? No one cares enough anymore to be his or her own person.
What does the city of Detroit need to do about this trend? What do parents need to do? What do I need to do? We are all in this together, but sometimes we forget that.
Drive by a neighborhood school. The gruesomeness dripping from middle school buildings and the scary surroundings leeching towards your car will make your blood curdle, leaving your mind paralyzed with repugnance. You’ll then remember, I promise.
Our youth are not just victims of violence, sex and drugs are accessories to the crime. Come on folks, a 13-year-old girl cannot care for a child.
But for some reason, everyone is trying so hard to grow up so fast. Why? It must be no fun to be a kid. What’s the big hurry? Trust me, it is nothing but memory loss and loans. Sallie Mae can’t stop ringing my doorbell. She wants her money back immediately.
Kids need a break from their harsh realities. There may not be enough money in the city, but there shouldn’t be a deficit in love and genuine concern.
This teenage maltreatment is corrupting the dreams of future doctors, lawyers, business owners, teachers, journalists, actors and so forth. But this disease starts at home.
Consequently, most kids don’t want to go home; if they have one to go to.
Everything doesn’t have to cost a lot of cash. Some just require the expense of time and effort. Aren’t the kids worth it?
But then again, many will end up pregnant, in jail or dead in the streets.
Harsh words. But the youth are already mangled by the harsh realities of living in the inner-city. To help cure this, we need to start loving them and break that confusion of love and ignorance.
So we can teach young ladies that just because a guy likes their “booty meat”, don’t mean that he fantasizes about putting a ring on it. And educate our young men with real words, not that word crack they use to drug their crushes’ virgin hearts.
There is a thin line between acceptance and hate. Let’s grow up and show youth that we care about them growing up and making the right choices.
It takes a village to raise a child. But without the child, the village dies.

False reality at its worst!...

Are Black babies an endangered species?

If so, they should make a reality show about abortions. I mean they record everything else, so why not shine a true light on what really goes on in that back room? Too touchy, huh?

Yet, we infest our souls with shows that follow shallow teenagers that mess up their lives with sex and unnecessary baby mama drama. What’s the difference?

I honestly would love to see shows with individuals who are struck with a dose of reality as they venture out to discover the real truths of life. Until then, I guess I have to watch these so called well-bred shows.

So, last week on the reunion for the show, For the Love of Ray J, the singer actually got upset when Cocktail spilled the beans about him hooking up with other chicas, including herself, after the show. Ain’t that some sugar-honey-ice-tea?

I don’t know which was funnier; the astonishment of betrayal on Mz. Berry face or the fact that Ray J felt AND looked like an idiot. She probably had a foul taste in her mouth, knowing that her man wasn’t her man like she thought he was.

Folks, please remember what is done in the dark ABSOLUTELY comes to the light. DUH!

Celebrity Fit Club is too hilarious! One of the celebrities is almost 50% body fat. That means, ladies and gentlemen, that she is half human and half fat. Jesus, take the wheel!

Tool Academy is straight filth. It’s pathetic for couples to go on a show and try to rekindle their love by doing tacky challenges and having sessions with a counselor.

But, I have to admit that this show is an excellent equation for getting insight on how no relationship on the face of earth should be. If someone is truly making you feel bad about yourself, you are dumb for staying. The first time they mess up, it’s their fault. The second time, it’s yours. I’m just saying… Those people are trifling but I am learning from their dumb mistakes.

On another note, I know I am mad as hell that another R&B singer got a reality show. Guess who it is? Faith Evans! And they are doing this because…? Lo and behold, this is not the business.

A reality TV show should be taped in the city of Detroit. Why not? How would that show turn out? I chuckle to myself every time I think about that.

But, moving on…

Although I am sad that Miss J will be replaced on the upcoming episodes of America’s Next Top Model, I’m ecstatic to know that her replacement is the fabulous, bodacious, fierce, Vogue editor, Andre Leon Talley.

He is the angel of fashion. I love when he speaks about fashion. His words are like spears of mastery that pierces your soul. Perfection, Tyra!

On a random note, uprising Pop singer Justin Bieber fans scare me. Just saying!