I need to learn how to forgive.
I thought I knew. But I don't.
Do you? If so, prove it.
It boggles my mind because I really thought I knew how to move on and forget. But forgiveness is nowhere near that.
Forgiveness is letting go. Not of what has happened. But the pain associated with the incident.
Over the course of the last few years, I have been hurt, physically and emotionally, was beaten, socked in the face by an ex-boyfriend...more than once, lied to, lied on, stolen from, betrayed, feces of lies thrown all over my name and the list goes on and on.
whew.
But I still put a smile on my face, disguising the pain that crawls all over my battered soul.
A smile of deceit. A smile of despair. A smile infested with decay of hatred.
Will I ever learn? I find it funny how God forgives me. But I can't forgive nobody fully. Not even my damn self.
Forgiveness is a sprinkle of honesty. A sprinkle of God's mercy. A sprinkle of the recognition that there are no excuses or justifications, but love.
The quip of it all is that we all say we forgive each other. But we don't. True forgiveness is a cool breeze of fresh air.
Can't wait to feel that.
One day...
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It will come.. When the winds of change blown refresh the air that has already been given. That moment when you realize its not about u(us). You will find the chord that is silver and those things, hurts won't matter. You won't feel the need to stand on your box and make a point..in the meanwhile..open your heart, even in its fragile disguised state and love you for real. Practice it everyday..and give people what you desire..not looking for it back..and the road will begin..peace and love
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