New ME

Good Evening.

My name is Tammy.

A lot of you think that you may know me. But you don't.

Hell, I just met myself a few months ago.

A lot of people ran out of my life. Others are still walking towards the door. It's still open.

Some people may think that I have changed.

Guess what.

I did.

Sincerely,
Tammy J.

P.S. God ain't thru with me yet.

Stop

For some people, they wake up and wander around, pleasing themselves.

I, on the other hand, I wake up, in high hopes of pleasing God.

Over the last few weeks, I have been trying to get closer to God. I know that it's not like he is gently pushing me away every time I get closer to Him; it just feels as though I have yet to touch Him.

The thing we call Life is a bitch. I realized that this morning when I was getting dressed for work. This world of ours is a fucked up world. And it is not the food or oxygen that carries us through our 14 hour days.

It is God's grace.

Lord, have mercy on us. Please.

There have been times I wished that I did not have to get out the bed. I would be scared to face the world. The unseen dangers. The disguised hatred.

But reciting a few Bible scriptures is what gets my adrenaline going.

After playing hide and seek with my pillows, I wake up, asking myself, what the fuck am I doing? Why am I not successful.

But that's the thing. I am.

I am just too damn blind and dumb to realize it. I am so blessed that it hurts to start counting. By the time I get to blessing number 4, I feel like a coward and ask the Lord for forgiveness instantly.

We get so caught up in worrying about our lives. We forget that it is NOT our duty to worry. We are all assigned one duty from God and that is to JUST LIVE.

Like the Bible says, each day has its own troubles, so only live for today, for tomorrow is too not promised.

A Love Story

I will never forget the day I first saw him. He walked through the doors at Malcolm X Elementary School, downtown.

Light-skinned brotha.

I glanced and then quickly turned my eyes away. I could never have something so delicious.

He saw me. And smiled.

Heart starts pumping. I smiled back.

But of course, as a dummy, I turned away and looked right at my phone, texting the green-eyed monster.

hahaha. ok.ok. Ill stop. It was my now-ex boyfriend. He is not a monster. He is simply the guy who threw my heart out onto the street, stomped all over it, while spitting globs of deceit on it. hahaha. just kidding.

Looking back, he gave me nothing. And he took it when he left.

Who knew right then that this light-skinned brotha would be the Prince who sweeps me off my feet and plants me as his precious black rose in his secret garden, his heart.

And his name. Reggie.

...his love travels so deep inside me, I do not want to return from our journey. oh je t' aime.

lazy ass.

I never know what to write about. I just randomly type what comes to mind. And tonight, I have a lot of thoughts racing all over my swollen brain.

A lot has happened in my life and I am very thankful for it all. This statement sums it all:I have no complaints.

My life is going pretty well; I am able to pay off my students loans. Great accomplishment, huh?

But I realized one thing about myself, I am very lazy.

I could be one of the greatest people in the whole wide world, but I am just so damn lazy. Is it in my blood? Or is it just a one-man's disease?

I think one of the reasons why I am so damn lazy is because I am living in fear. I need to stop that. God has blessed me with so much talent. And I need to use it.

I need to stop putting it to waste. Just like you all.

You know, sometimes I feel like we are ALL lazy. Not using our God-given talents. Damn shame.
Imagine if God was too lazy to express His divine, Holy, graceful love and mercy unto us.

Worse: What if God was too lazy to bless us?

ha. if only we knew.

But we can only be lazy because we don't know the truth.
...if only we knew.

broken hearted

If you knew better, you would do better.
Right?

If that was the case, then why does life seems so... meaningless?

Why do men trash their beloved trophy wives?

Why do mothers rape the souls of their unborn offspring?

Why do women rot with self-hatred?

Why do little boys and little girls ignore their God?

These are questions that pump through my frazzled brain.

It's like eating nails when scrutinizing a possible cure for this worldly disease.

The world is a scary place.

Spit of hate sprawls everywhere.

Our children are dying, transforming into superficial creatures beyond their own will; not enduring their soft, warm red blood that dances through their tiny veins.

The same blood that races down the ragged cross as Jesus bled to death.

King Jesus died for us, so we will do better.

...If only we knew better.

Her Beauty.

What makes a woman beautiful?

Is it her curves? Is it her smile? Is it her personality? Her cooking?

Many men do not know how to comprehend the beauty of such creatures. Their definitions are boiling sporadic combustions as to what the media formulated for the ideal lady to bring home to momma.

Well, I am a woman of worth. And I know what makes me beautiful.

Pay attention.

A woman is beautiful because of her womb. Pregnancy is a woman's gift to the world. Women of worth give birth to God's children. Be gentle with a woman. She could be the mother of your next bundle of joy.

A woman is beautiful when wearing heels. Yes, I said it. Stilettos. Pumps. Whatever you want to call them. Heels are what makes a woman stand out with FIERCE inside the crowd. Her world is her runway. As she slips in her favorite 6-inch-killers, one by one, BEWARE. :)

A woman is beautiful because of her relationship with God. A woman who has a relationship with God is undoubtedly the sexiest woman in the world. Trust me, I know. I am one. Are you? Do you know another lady who is too? And it is not because she is able to recite 17 scriptures under 10 seconds. But because she knows who her KING is and leave the wannabes alone.

A woman is beautiful because of her pout. It's her signature of her sensitive side. Side note: A woman will never agree with you. Hello! We have our own mind of our own! Hahaha!

More importantly, a woman is beautiful simply because she is a woman. Whether she is tall, long haired, bald, white, dark, curvy, bone straight, chunky, quiet, loud, she is thee precious gift of God. Without the woman, the world would be boring and nothing.

Advice: Treat every single woman you see with respect because she is perfectly designed by God with his ink of dignity and grace.

Whether she is your 90-year-old grandmother or your 5-year-old sister who thinks she rules the world, tell her she is beautiful.

"You can never steal a woman's beauty. Nor recreate it."

Appreciate it.

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

My name is RJ. I am 2 years old. I am about to be 3.

Are you busy? Can we talk? Where are you? I want to tell you I love you. Every night, I see my daddy fall on the floor with his hands to his face and he whispers words to your Daddy.

Do you think your Daddy can help my daddy? Please?

Pretty please?

I think my daddy is sick. His head is always hurting. NaNa says daddy is getting better though. But sometimes he does not play with me when he take that weird medicine. Sometimes my daddy even cries. I don't want him to cry. No more.

My daddy is hurting. He still smiles though. He always taking good care of me. He buys me Spider Man house shoes and he buys me big boots. They are black.

But sometimes my daddy is always sleepy. Please ask your Daddy to take care of my daddy.

Thanks for the talk.

Love,

RJ.

P.S. My birthday is on Christmas. Like yours. I hope you get a lot of presents.

Oh.... I love my daddy. A lot.

Bye bye.