Friday, February 18, 2011

Why do YOU hate me? And Her?

Envy is poison.

She bathes in sin.

Hate flows out her mouth, gently over her lips and teeth.

Each spit of deceit from her twisted tongue and jealous lips crushes her spirit.

Black little girls' self-esteems bleed death. And that's only the beginning, so we believe.

What constitutes this? SELF-HATRED.

We let each other sink. And because of this, more black women are crying. and dying. and still killing.

Why do we cane each other with whippings of brutality? And not healing?

Because we kill each other's spirit.

We depend on men to nurse us back to health, suckling on their lies as we lay on their chests, giving our children's blood as we engage in unhealthy and even unwanted sexual relations.

Jealously is unyielding as the graveyard.

Love is strong as death. But Jealousy potion is sweeter. And we are all dying to get a sip.

Angels Breath...

My boyfriend is fighting brain cancer.

Devastating, right?

Not really.

His cancer integrated into my body and spread into my heart.

Cancer kills. But it gives New appreciation for life.

Tiny angels have rescued his soul.

We both grieve in our unfailing love. We rejoice because each sunrise is the gateway to a new day to gain an excellent standing and great assurance in our faith.

The discovery of his rare brain disease has taken a toll on him physically. But not his mind.

We can't control every thought. But we can fully be certain to think about what are thinking about.

His brain tissue may not be hearty, but his mind is.

"You're blessed when you get your inside world-your mind and heart-put right. Then you can see God in the outside world." ~Matthews 5:8

Cancer is scary. But life isn't.

Be reverent.

"And keep living."

At least, that is what Reggie says.

So, it must be true.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

New ME

Good Evening.

My name is Tammy.

A lot of you think that you may know me. But you don't.

Hell, I just met myself a few months ago.

A lot of people ran out of my life. Others are still walking towards the door. It's still open.

Some people may think that I have changed.

Guess what.

I did.

Tammy J.

P.S. God ain't thru with me yet.


For some people, they wake up and wander around, pleasing themselves.

I, on the other hand, I wake up, in high hopes of pleasing God.

Over the last few weeks, I have been trying to get closer to God. I know that it's not like he is gently pushing me away every time I get closer to Him; it just feels as though I have yet to touch Him.

The thing we call Life is a bitch. I realized that this morning when I was getting dressed for work. This world of ours is a fucked up world. And it is not the food or oxygen that carries us through our 14 hour days.

It is God's grace.

Lord, have mercy on us. Please.

There have been times I wished that I did not have to get out the bed. I would be scared to face the world. The unseen dangers. The disguised hatred.

But reciting a few Bible scriptures is what gets my adrenaline going.

After playing hide and seek with my pillows, I wake up, asking myself, what the fuck am I doing? Why am I not successful.

But that's the thing. I am.

I am just too damn blind and dumb to realize it. I am so blessed that it hurts to start counting. By the time I get to blessing number 4, I feel like a coward and ask the Lord for forgiveness instantly.

We get so caught up in worrying about our lives. We forget that it is NOT our duty to worry. We are all assigned one duty from God and that is to JUST LIVE.

Like the Bible says, each day has its own troubles, so only live for today, for tomorrow is too not promised.