Thursday, January 5, 2012

Achilles' Heel

I’m nervous. Very.
Where is my confidence? Where did it go? I swear it was just here a second ago. Or was I just mesmerized by its silhouette? I am at the point of my life where I am standing on my tippy-toes, knees bent, ready to leap in the deep sea of writing, and release my first book, Snow Angels. A memoir of my life. A mystery of God’s power and mercy. A true story of my boyfriend’s battle against brain cancer. What a risk, huh?
Who am I kidding? Can I really do this? Who would really do this? These questions are circling through my brain It’s only a matter of time when I ….
My book, Snow Angels, is my baby. It encompasses the recipe of two souls conjoining together. Creating a masterpiece. A work of art that I am truthfully terrified of liberating to the public. Don't get it twisted. This book means so much to me. Each chapter embraces a special ambiance of the recollection of my memories within the last years.
But my question is why I am so nervous? Am I really that dangerously in love with my book that it would leave me feeling so weak and insecure in expressing my true feelings to the world? I wonder if every writer goes through this phase when preparing to give birth to their new sculpture of words. Since July 2011, I have carved the ins and outs of the earliest forms of my novel. I documented those special moments and private prayers that Reginald and I clinched upon and they have manifested into the existence of my book characters, Aubry and Charles and their unconditional love.
According to Oprah, “Whatever you fear most has no power; it is your fear that has the power.” Maybe I just need to get over it, face my fear and let go. Release.

I need to.
I need to show the world that cancer is NOT a death sentence. I need to show the world that love can transpire in people that you would lease expect it. I need to show the world my testimony of what God can do for His people. Cancer handpicks its “victims”. But God always fight back. And win.
Perhaps, I am not nervous. Maybe I am just darn selfish. Whatever it is, I am determined to break up with my love and give the world a piece of my heart. Regardless, I need to learn that I must focus my innermost energies on lessening any constraints that I may face so that I can feel that inconceivable sagacity of power and confidence that bestows before me.
I must validate myself. I am not weak. I am a writer. And thee author of Snow Angels. Be prepared to witness.


  1. I can understand being nervous but look how far you have came. From page 1 to page 600 Lol. People are looking forward to reading your book (me) and your story needs to be shared with others. We are waiting patiently for the release of the book...

  2. you have an amazing story. i for one am completely prepared to witness. maybe we can do a book tour in the future! now that'd be hot. lol