my first kiss

I can just taste it.

It was just right.

On January 17th, 2010 I received a call that would changed my life. Forever.

"They found a tumor inside his brain and he is having surgery tomorrow morning. They are not sure...

...if its cancer or not."

Was the devil's contumely following me? Or maybe it wasn't.

What would you do if someone told you that your friend would possibly die the next day?

Well, that actually happened to me last summer. And he did die.
But this time, it was different.

I couldn't hesitate. I was tired as hell. Just got off work, but my feet didn't seem to mind to simmer through the pain.

I grab my car keys, bump my way into the cold and inside my car. And then I paused.
"What the hell am I doing?"

My shaky engine mysteriously starts up and I find myself driving 87 mph down I-96 to Henry Ford hospital downtown. It was only 8:07p.m.


Like a lost child, I walk wide-eyed through the hospital's twisted halls and let the angels guide me to the ICU. Oh shit. This is where my auntie died a few months ago.

Great.

I swallow hard. Heart squeezing pounds of blood at one time. It hurts. I feel woozy.

I pull the curtains open and there he lay. Peaceful. Brave. Hiding his fears.

It was Reggie. My then friend. My then new friend. My then new friend who I adored so much. But I never told him.

We nervously talk a bit. Tears fighting to come out.

Minutes turn into hours. Soon, it was time for me to leave. But I didn't want to. Yet, I needed to leave.

Before walking out, I kiss his forehead and cheek ever so softly. I feel his heartbeat. It's calm.

I look down and got lost inside his butter brown eyes. Although its only seconds, I feel frozen. The love chains finally locked me in.

Seconds later, our lips touch. Just one kiss. Just one gentle kiss. Just one slow kiss. Just one amazing kiss.

Wasn't sure if that would be my last kiss. Surgery is in 8 hours. It was a 50% chance he would not come out the same. Or...

But it was surely my first true kiss with a young man who unashamedly declares his love to me and promises to do it. Forever.

I never felt like this...

Oh Je t' aime...

Until next time...


Quote of the Day: "Your heart has wisdom that your mind cannot comprehend."

life.

Ok, so today was a good day. :)

Yet, I feel as if tomorrow will be a better one. :D

Let me just say that I LOVE people. I think people are precious, tiny pearls of God's strand of perfection. Yuh, even the rotten ones.

(For those who think I don't love them or dissed them, that's a lie. I just prefer not to deal with your shit.)

Throughout my day at work today, I came into contact with different types of people. Happy. Sad. Fat. Skinny. Young. Old. Pretty. Ugly. Crazy. Weird. Yet, what I noticed from each and every one of those individuals is that they are just trying to do the best they can with what they have.

And that's all we can do.

With one life to live, that's all you gotta do. It's kinda simple, don't you think? #kanyeshrug

I mean, we are all in this together. Not forever though. No one makes it out alive in the end.

Thinking about that one life I do have, I realize that I am blessed to have it. I think about my late friend/high school sweetheart Kyle Hatcher everyday and I smile for hours.

He lived his life to fullest. He truly did. He died last summer, and honestly, it STILL STINGS like a fresh cut.

Jesus.

But with prayer and determination, I fight away that folderol and strive to live my life, like Kyle did with his life. And not complain. And be grateful.

By the way...Why do we complain so much? Jesus Christ! We do it so much!

Hmmm....I wonder if humans are capable of going through ONE DAY WITHOUT COMPLAINING? Can I do it? Can YOU do it?

New challenge. Or...

Maybe I should work on how to stop cussing first. Oh well. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Until next time... Learn. Laugh. LIVE.

Quote of the day: "Life is the flower of which Love is The Honey." ~ Victor Hugo

Refreshed...perhaps...

What am I doing?

Who am I?

Why do I give a damn?

These are the random questions that normally run through my frazzled mind.

So this is why I decided to start blogging again. To release them.

In the eyes of those who know me, I am thee pint-sized diva who is fun, loyal, smart, sensitive as hell, a bitch, dingy, in love, conceited, and dedicated, classy, and forever redeveloping myself.

For those who don't know me, I appear to be short with very dark skin, a killer smile and a big, fragile heart.

In my eyes, I am just me. Just Totally Tammy.

From last summer to this hot day of 2010, I gained new life.

New friends.
New enemies.
New bra size.
New boyfriend.
New hair.
New goals.
New shoes.

And a new soul.

You have a lot of catching up to do. Catch me if you can. lol :)

Until next time...