Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Why Did I Do That?

I f***** up my damn life. Why did I do that?
You ever felt like that?
Don't we all feel as if we miscalculated a turn, or opened the wrong door, or press the incorrect button?
It is as if God has plot us on this land, handing us a map. The hidden treasure: Our destiny. Instead of marking the route with a fat blue marker, He gives a blank map and tells us to figure it out. Great. No pressure. He says, "I am always with you. When you get lost, call on Me." Of course, He guides us the entire time, but His tracks are sometimes unrecognizable. Sometimes I just wish God would burst through the clouds and point me into the right direction and tell me the right decision. It doesn't work that way, apparently.
No, I don't think I "f*****up" my life. I just wonder how my life would be if I didn't make certain decisions I have made in these past 24 years. I don't have any regrets. But I do wonder. Hmm... I swear every 10 mins I feel like I got my life together. The next 3 mins, my whole world comes to a halt. Its kinda like that feeling of disappointment when you have countless interviews and still can't find employment in your career field. Or looking in the mirror and can't fantom on why he chose Her and not you.
Ultimately, its that nagging feeling of being stuck. Skepticism pullulates like insects, swarming everywhere around me. Oh well, one day I will figure it out.....hopefully... right? Until then, I will use my map and continue to walk down that path I am on, with my flashlight in my hand and mind on the prize, my future, my destiny, my treasure.
I just have one question. God, where am I going?

1 comment:

  1. Once again, another great post Tammy! I am in a similar boat and understand exactly how you feel. Stay strong!