God cannot be explained.
He cannot be argued about.
He cannot be theorized.
nor can He be discussed and understood.
God can only be lived.
~Meher Baba, God Speaks
Finding God is not easy. Am I questioning my faith? No.I am just rediscovering my relationship with Him. My life is changing in a different direction. I an lost in the noise. And I need Him more than ever. I certainly don't look at God the same way as I used to. I don't look at Him as I did during the years of my impertinent adolescence. At that time, I used to think that God watched all my moves and only blessed me when I obeyed and forgave me when I begged. But it has to be more to the picture. It's more than just obeying and memorizing a few scriptures in my fancy Bible; I must live Godly. But I get all caught up. Trying to please God. And not living through Him.
During my soul searching, I recognize God as a devouring spirit. Without any doubt, God is God and we are to never question Him. Ever. I am learning that my prayers are not just for whispering special favors. But to serve as esoteric reminders that I am connected to Him supernaturally. There is absolutely no excuse for the inability to feel God. He is the divine spirit of life. Each breath we take is a sprinkle of God's grace. Each heartbeat is the pulsation of God's mercy. Fundamentally, God is the animator of my life. And God is the connector between my body and soul.
He is thee spirit that constantly hugs me when I am disappointed or losing faith. The spirit that knocks me down, reminding me that it is only One that is in control. The spirit that blesses me with an abundance of fruit that nourishes my soul every single day. Overall, God is my Heavenly Father who is always holding out His hand for me to take. One day, I hope I am brazen enough to take His hand and hold on. Forever.
I am still searching for my understanding of God. What does God truly means to me? Those who seek, will find.